I believe...

This week has had many interesting little stories I could share. In debating what to share tonight, because there are three stories I could share with you, I think I'll share the one that has brought about some deep pondering.

There's a kid in Mr. H's class that has worn him out. I have watched this amazing teacher be challenged this year in a way I haven't seen in several years. A few years back he had a behavior-challenged class, but that was nothing in comparison to this group.

And within this group is a LostBoy that has captured my heart. Now, I realize it is easy for me to have a heart for him, I don't have him 35 hours a week in my classroom. If you're not a teacher, you really won't get the true depth of this story, but please bear with me.

This kid is from a messed up family. I use that term in G rating terms because I don't want to offend anyone who reads this, but I tell ya, the longer I talk to this kid, the more I realize how whack his version of his homelife really is. I've only had one interaction with the parent and that was enough for me.

So, LostBoy was shipped off a little while back to a hospital for Psychiatric Treatment. I'll be blunt here, my opinion is that the parents didn't want him and they shipped him off for a break. Yeah, talk about a loving homelife...NOT... Truth be told he needs good counseling, but not to be shipped off, alone for 2 weeks!

I had tried to reach out to him a few months back. I was blessed because Mr. H. let me try some informal interventions with him. Yeah, well, it lasted about 2 days and that was it.

It was then that I started praying off and on for him.

He can't be good.
He doesn't want to be good.
He has put up so many walls that in some respects he is considered "out of reach."

So he left for about 2 weeks. To a nearby facility.

In fact, the day he left for the hospital we were going to meet with his parents/casemanagers/outside agencies...all of the above. Only person not on school staff to arrive was the caseworker who wasn't surprised the parent didn't show up.

Are you getting the picture here? A fourth grader with a home, but without a home all at the same time.

So he has been back for a little while. And I'll be honest, this has been a long week back. We all seemed to enjoy vacation too much! :-)

So yesterday Mr. H. was giving me the rundown on the kid. On Monday he was caught trying to stab a pencil through his eye, and choking himself. On Tuesday or Wednesday I found out the kid was chewing on his pencil lead.

And I stopped.

I have talked to his kid a lot. Most of it has gone in one ear and out the other. I had quit a little while back. He would still come up to me and say, "If I'm good, can I come to you at the end of the day?" I would reply with "sure". But of course, he didn't earn that. I never saw him.

So yesterday I pulled him one-on-one while his class went back to class after their recess. Truth be told, I think Mr. H. likes the fact that I give him a bit of a break. It was short, but I wanted to see what I could get out of him.

Here's what followed:

Me:So, I hear you're eating pencil lead now. Is that true?
LB: Yea.
Me: Why?
LB: Because I can.
Me: Does it taste good?
LB: No.
Me: Then why do it?
LB: Because I can.

At this point, you can see the lead marks around his mouth.

Me: Do you realize that's not good for you?
LB: Yeah.
Me: I mean, you realize you could do some serious damage to yourself?
LB: Yeah.

I looked at his pencil. It was eaten to the core.

Me: So, you know that you can talk to me if you ever need to.
LB: Yeah.
Me: I realize that what I'm saying to you at this moment is probably going in one ear and out the other, but I'm still here.
LB: Yeah.
Me: I want you to be okay.
LB: I know.
Me: I go home at night and worry about you.
LB: You do?
Me: Yep. (Then I paused for a brief moment) And I now say a prayer for you each night before I go to sleep.
LB: I used to pray.
Me: You did? When?
LB: When I was at the hospital the first time a few years back.
Me: Really? That's cool.
LB: But I don't pray anymore.
Me: You don't? Why not?
LB: There's no point.

And that my friends, is where this kid truly is. He's a lost child in a lost system in a lost world.

He's rough. Not a kid you look at and think, "Oh, he's cute." He's rough around the edges.

He has dark circles under his eyes. In a sense, he looks old.

I looked at him after his last comment and said, "Well, I still believe that there's a reason to pray, and I want you to know I am praying for you every night."

He just smiled.

Unfortunately it wasn't a happy smile. It was a skeptical, harsh smile.

Over Spring Break I got a new necklace that has a cross on it, with a little circle over the cross with the word "Believe" on it. It has now taken on new meaning for me.

This kid doesn't believe anymore.

He doesn't think God can save him.

He doesn't think God is even real.

While I don't know if my 10 minutes each day is really gonna change much, I am still going to take 10 minutes each day for this kid. I am going to believe that LostBoy is one of "The Least of these" talked about in Scripture.

And each night I will go to bed believing that it will make a difference...someday...

Not to preach at him.
Not to force squat on him.

But my goal is to just love him.

My goal is to make him see that one person believes in him and wants to see the best in him. Somewhere deep inside this kid is just a lost kid wanting someone to think he matters.

So while I don't know the outcome for LostBoy, I know that I'm going to BELIEVE that something is better than nothing...