Transparency

I have spent quite a bit of time pondering my last post. A couple of the teachers at school encouraged me to delete it, just in case wandering eyes saw my writing. I have debated a lot, wondering if that really is the right thing to do. I'll be honest, it probably is the right thing to do. I mean, I basically slammed one of my fellow teachers. However, in the end, I have opted not to do so.

I will change a few names, to protect the innocent, but I have come to the conclusion that the joy of blogging for me to is to share both the ups and downs of this little journey we call "life". And, in the end, my goal for this blog was to make sure I put a positive outlook on even the challenges we face in this life. While I did not do that on my last post, I want to do that now.

I got home that night after I had blogged, and wondered...why did that bother me so much? I mean, in the end, it had ZERO to do with me. It was an exchange between two teachers in my building. Granted, one of them has become a good friend of mine, so I imagine part of it was that I'm tired of seeing my friend challenged by this same teacher repeatedly. My friend is a good guy, who does his absolute best in his professional career, and it's hard for me to see someone not be able to see that.

So yesterday as I was pondering it all, and had had two teachers say to delete it, I found myself pondering my statements more than I think I've ever pondered a post in my short career as a "blogger".

In the end, God reminded me that there are times when I need to just pray for the people involved. (Which is what I did yesterday after pondering the faculty meeting) And, He also reminded me that this exchange was NOTHING in the big grand scheme of things...

I found myself in one of our severely disabled rooms yesterday, and was humbled as God reminded me that a faculty meeting scrap is nothing. There was a kid who took my hand yesterday, who was sitting in a wheelchair, telling me that he is supposed to use his walker everyday but he doesn't want to because it hurts a lot. I just kneeled down and took time out to talk to him. (I was late for recess duty becuase of it, but I really didn't care.) I had said, "hi" to him before in the halls but he had never talked to me before. He was so open and honest about his walking issue, and I felt like crap because I had actually wasted energy on something that wasn't even any of my business. This kid can't walk and is bound to a wheelchair, and meanwhile I'm being petty about two teachers who are just in two separate ballparks in my opinion when it comes to teaching. I need to repect my friend's abilities to teach, and not waste time on the other.

In the end, I don't regret my post. I do regret not keeping things completely in perspective at that time. However, I am also reminded how human I can be, and that I'm not made to be perfect. I'm made to realize where I may fall short and work toward being a better version of myself.

And in trying to become that "better version", whatever that may look like, I am going to remain transparent on here. I believe that everyone can learn from the mistakes of others, if they try.

Being frustrated, mad, angry, hurt, etc, is all part of this journey. So, you will continue to see a transparent short gal writing blogs with nothing but true feelings behind it...

Later...