I'm Waiting...

I have been waiting for a long time on God. I guess we all have...we all have something in which we long for and don't have. Whether it be a spouse (my waiting place), or a job to open up, or a secret dream that hasn't been shared with someone...everyone is waiting for something. I'm not saying it's a horrible thing. I'm finding that in the waiting God is teaching me things I never would have grasped if I hadn't had to wait.

For example, I'm learning how to budget and live within what I make and not rely on credit cards to get me what I shouldn't have if I don't have cash. I have done the credit card thing, am paying off my last two cards, and am not using them anymore. If I can't afford it, why get into debt more just to have something I can live without?

I can honestly say in the past 10 years I've learned how to be independent. Just ask my Mother, she'll suggest something helpful and I'll often bulk just because I want to do it my way. I'm sure it drives her nuts, but she's incredibly patient with me, waiting for me to figure it out...and inevitably learn that Mom was right to begin with. I just never actually admit that to her. :-)

I've learned to ask for help. It's hard...incredibly hard for a single gal to ask for help when I'm an adult and should be able to do things on my own. And, to be really blunt, I hate to bother people. Everyone has a busy life and doesn't need to help another person. However, I have learned that people REALLY enjoy helping me and NEVER mind to help out. This past week I had a flat tire after Homegroup, and SuperAmie changed my tire for me. It was good for me because I'm not strong enough to get the tire off, so I have to rely on someone else. That's a good thing to learn.

I have learned how to put myself after others. I have two roommates and there are moments I get into my ugly selfish mode and want things my way, but God is faithful to keep me in check and I find it's becoming easier to put their needs first. Five years ago it was a shock to my system, and now it's almost natural to think of others first. I don't know if I would have had that if it hadn't been for this season with my roommates. I still have a lot to learn but I can say I've come quite far in this area of my life...

So, of course, while all this waiting has been good...and I know each step has been led by God, it has been hard too. I often tell God I'm tired of the wait...that it should be my turn and I'm sick of waiting. Of course, he's faithful to listen and I'm sure He's up there giggling at me, thinking, "patience, my dear, patience."

So, I find myself going up and down in this whole waiting game. This weekend has been really fun. My roommate and I had a great time Friday night just talking about stuff, yesterday I went to the Maple Leaf Festival in Carthage and sat with a friend for 4 hours just yakking abuot stuff, and today I had church and went to a mentoring meeting and had a great time. This weekend has been easy. Next weekend will be too because the Women's Retreat is in Branson and it's ALWAYS a fun weekend. So, I won't be alone...won't have to entertain myself...won't have to dread what is going on for the weekend. It will be easy...

So, as I was pondering all this waiting stuff...and honestly griping to God about it...God led me to a song by John Waller. I want to type out the lyrics just because it has impacted me so greatly. You can go to iTunes and download the song for $.99 if you are grabbed by the lyrics. I realize just reading lyrics may not speak to you. As for me, when I first heard the song I had tears in my eyes because for the first time in years a song pierced my heart. Perhaps you're in a waiting place. Maybe not for a spouse like I am, but perhaps for a child to be conceived or an adoption to take place, or for your kid to get into a good college. Whatever it is, I hope this helps you...

I'm Waiting by John Waller

I'm waiting...
I'm waiting on You Lord
And I am hopeful
I'm waiting on You Lord
Though it is painful
But patiently I will wait
I will move ahead
Bold and confident
Taking every step in obedience

While I'm waiting, I will serve you
While I'm waiting, I will worship
While I'm waiting, I will not faint
I'll be running the race
Even while I wait...

I'm waiting...
I'm waiting on You Lord
And I am peaceful
I'm waiting on You Lord
Though it's not easy, no
But faithfully I will wait
Yes I will wait
I will move ahead, bold and confident
taking every step in obedience

I will move ahead bold and confident
I'll be taking every step in obedience..

When I first heard the song, I had tears in my eyes...I wasn't hopeful...I wasn't patient. I was hurting. But, slowly, I'm returning to hope and patience...and I'll be running the race, even while I wait...