Perseverance, JOY, and Strength

At Barn-A-Break this weekend, Godly gal gave a sermon that I wish I had taped copy of because it spoke directly into my life in a way I can't completely put into words but I would like to try. I find myself in a place I've never been before. Earlier this month I moved out of an unhealthy environment into my own place, which has brought about questions and emotions I never expected to be within me. I don't hate God, but I have honestly questioned Him. I know, I know, that's stupid, as He's all-knowing, but hey, I'm the one who is human, walking in the flesh.

Godlygal talked the other night about perseverance, strength, and how the JOY of the Lord is to be our strength. I'm gonna be really blunt, JOY hasn't been a part of my life for a while. I haven't been depressed, but I haven't been myself either. People at work who are closest to me will tell you I haven't been myself at all this school year. I didn't recognize the extent of that until I was at camp this past weekend. I don't know that I was actually depressed, but I do know that I wasn't experiencing life the way it was meant to be experienced. It's amazing how one version of normal can become so normal that you forget how life is meant to be. I feel as if I've come out from living under a rock and am experiencing life again.

I have watched friends who are Christians compromise their beliefs over and over again because life is too hard and because being alone is hard. I'll be the first to admit that living alone is the second hardest thing I have done, with the first being the end of the last chapter of my life. The last 4 months were the hardest months I've ever had. And with that being said, living here, alone, is easier. It seems peaceful. I never expected that part to be totally honest.

In processing that, I know that I don't want to settle. I don't want to compromise. I sat out at camp and was reminded that there are people in this world who are loving God, and displaying God's love in powerful ways. I realize it's camp, not the world as a whole, but it was a blessing to be reminded that there are people out there reaching for God. Sometimes I feel so odd because at times I feel as if I'm the only one walking this out. That isn't the case, I know that, but sometimes I feel that. So, this weekend was so refreshing, and a blessing in so many ways.

Godlygal stated that in order to run this race, we must perservere with the JOY of the Lord as our strength. I knew that in my head, but it got me. I prayed that night afterward, and told God how I wanted JOY again. And, Sunday morning I was the old me again. I made myself the unofficial door holder for Breakfast and was joking and laughing again...like an old version of me was brought back to life. And all day today in my classroom I felt more like the old me. I can't explain to you how good this feels.

I know I still have a long way to go. I also know that God and I are still processing the last chapter of my life and will continue to do so for quite a while. But for now, the JOY of the Lord is my strength.

Finally, we sang a song yesterday that has just spoken words to me all day today. In fact, I awoke singing it today. It's from Zephaniah 3:17, and I want to share it with you:

The Lord your God is with you,
He is mighty to save,
He will take great delight in you,
He will quiet you with his love,
And he will rejoice over you in song...

Amen.