I'm Third Theory

I returned tonight from Camp Barnabas, and want to start off by saying I am different tonight than I was one week ago tonight. Each year I find that camp has moments that will forever remain in my heart, God has taught me so many things that I find it hard to know where to begin. This was the third year I have gone to serve as a Cabin Mom, and find myself sitting at home amazed at how much I have learned in the past week...

In our training, they taught us the "I'm Third" Theory. I have heard this every year in training, but this was the first time it REALLY got into my spirit. The idea is that we're to serve God first, campers, CIA's, and staff second, and OURSELVES THIRD. Each year I have gone, I have tried to do that, but this year I was tested in ways I never expected. I will also admit that I typically come home and kick back into my selfish mode and don't carry it over into my everyday life. This year I was taught the depth of the I'm Third Theory.

As it turned out, I was in a cabin with three girls I had last year! That was COOL! One of them, Ronni, was my favorite camper last year! So, I was excited that God put me in her cabin again! (I will admit, God used Laura to do that! Thanks, Laura!) Her CIA for the week was AWESOME, and it was a JOY to get to know her this week! Ronni ran a tad bit less this year, and honestly was more obedient this year than last, so that was cool. I also found myself laughing and joking with her more than I did last year. She was truly a highlight of my week! And, honestly, even in the tough moments, serving Ronni was fun. The "I'm Third" was pretty easy in comparison to last year when it came to Ronni. :-)

I found that each girl in our cabin had their own quirks. Now, in all honesty, we all have quirks. Afterall, I'm the gal with the special diet that has driven people nuts before! But, I found that each camper was beautiful, and I told each of them that! I will admit, I got to know some campers more than others just due to needs within the cabin, but there wasn't one girl that I thought, "sheesh, this is tough." All the campers had moments, especially Sara, but each CIA stepped up and did their best.

Kim was a true highlight for me. Kim wasn't a camper, she was a CIA, and the first night we were there, my legs were stiff and it was tough to walk. (Due to the car ride I believe) Kim walked up, gave me an arm, and knew I had CP. As it turns out, her Mom has CP and sounds like an INCREDIBLE lady. Kim kinda watched out for me all week, and definitely had the "I'm Third" Theory down! When it came to me, her camper, and everyone around her, she was always working hard to serve others. Not to mention the MANY times I left my backpack in the dining hall to chase Ronni or Sara or help with Destiny, and then later Kim would have it when we caught up with the group! I selfishly hope that Kim is on staff next year. I'm already praying she is, and that I can be in her cabin! Not that it's about me.... Ha!

The Lord taught me the most through a little girl named Destiny. During our first full day, I returned from my break to see her crying. I'll be the first to admit that at that point in the week I was so focused on Ronni (who requires a lot of care!) that I didn't know Destiny's name, her label, or anything about her. I had written everything down during camper card night, but I didn't memorize them.

So, Destiny's CIA, KaraLee (nicknamed Carly) was trying to settle her down. I walked over and sat down across from Destiny and was told she was a non-verbal. Meaning, she doesn't talk. So, I sat there and prayed in my head. Honestly, I had never had a non-verbal in my cabin. I have never had a non-verbal in my classroom either. So, she was crying and I started signing to her. While she didn't reply, she did stop crying. I sat with her and Carly while Carly filled me in on Destiny's information. She's 13 years old, and is a non-verbal child. She is being potty trained now, but still uses briefs.

I had never given an ounce of thought as to what life would be like if I couldn't talk. Truthfully, I think I talk too much at times. I sat there in front of this kid who was upset but couldn't say "I want..." She did have a picture book that we tried to use, but she didn't really use it in such a way that we could understand what she wanted. She could sign "drink". She would give the same sign for food too, but we learned how to read her as the week went on.

In that first sitting, I was awestruck by this little girl. We never heard a word from her in that first time I sat with her. But, we calmed her down and got her to the next activity. I honestly can't tell you what the first activity was after that, I just remembered thinking that Carly had been with her nearly 24 hours, and had been doing so without much help. My heart leapt for her as she had done her best but needed some support. So, I was with her a lot of the week.

Throughout the week, I found myself just sitting next to Destiny and would hold my hand next to me, and she would eventually take it and cuddle with me. I found myself enjoying her company, as no talking was required. We could sit and cuddle and enjoy watching people swing (although she did enjoy the swing too!), or watching the parties each night. I found myself intrigued by this kid who was content with her water bottle, a bandana to stem with, and someone rubbing her foot. Meanwhile I am one who finds boredom if I sit too long. Destiny's life is simple...and she is a happy kid. She can't talk, but she can communicate in other ways.

I was sitting on a bench Tuesday as we were waiting for a horse to be free for Destiny to ride and she climbed into my lap. This isn't uncommon at camp, as kids are often seen in laps of those around them. However, Destiny turned and was facing me with her head on my shoulder. My heart melted as she put her head on my shoulder. After that, she pushed away from the bench, and I caught her and brought her back in and said something like "Woah!" She pushed again, and it clicked with me what she wanted...she wanted to be rocked! I was SO EXCITED when I figured it out! I rocked her that whole time, and thought about the fact I don't love God that well. Here was this kid who can't talk, and I was able to love her with a love I can't describe in words. It was a defining moment for me...

Throughout the week I strived to serve others. There was one meal where I didn't eat all my meal in order to go help with Sarah. I could have gone back to eat, but I thought about how the week wasn't about me and I stayed where I was at.

They also tell us in training at camp that we will hit a wall in serving during that week. When you're serving kids with disabilities in a camp setting, it can be extremely difficult at times. It is an emotionally draining week because you're giving your 100% all the time. I hit a wall twice. First on day #3 (which seemed to be rough on all of us!) and then again on day #5. Wall #1 wasn't too bad. I was able to pray with a staff member on day #3, and I was fine.

My second wall pushed me closer to God in a way that I haven't felt in YEARS. I was blessed that someone caught me as I was walking away from the situation that caused the wall, and she said, "Shortone, you got a second?" I turned around and looked at her. I walked up to her and she held me and I cried. I haven't cried since all my drama in my last chapter in my life, and it felt good to be softened again before God. After processing with that person, I felt better. I found myself at IP and prayed. I prayed for a long time, and cried. It was a God thing...a good thing...

Over the course of the week I kept asking God, "What can I do to serve you?" I never jumped into a meltdown situation without direction from God. Within that, I can honestly say I am now closer to God because I would pause, and pray. Many times I would be given keys that would help us through the situation.

I don't have the "I'm Third" Theory down. I'm nowhere close. But, I am going to try to get there.

This week was the hardest one I've had at Barnabas, but also the best one I have had.

I can't wait for next year!

Life.
Is.
Good.