Boldness

As I was driving on the way to work yesterday I prayed that God would help me to bold throughout the day. I knew I had a parent meeting at 1:00 that the parents had requested, which is never a good thing, and a meeting at Homegroup were I would need to be bold in order to get some thoughts out that needed to be shared. Little did I know that God would give me boldness in ways I never would have thought possible.

I started the day with our first Literacy Team Meeting of the year. I'll be honest, I dread these meetings. The team I am a part of is pretty good for the most part. Okay, well, fourth grade teachers are great. My fifth grade teachers tend to build my character quite a bit, and this year that is proving to be true on SO MANY levels.

So we entered the meeting, and everything was okay. I mean, you get a bunch of teachers together the week grade cards are due for a meeting when in reality there are PLENTY of things they could be doing, and you can expect a bit of reluctance to be there.

Like I said, it started out fine. But at one point the Negative Nellies reared their ugly heads and I spoke up. I started talking and about halfway through it thought, "Why did I pray for boldness today?" But, I did it. I basically told the group that we are adults and no matter how many things are required of us, we are to be the adults and just do our job. WITHOUT NEGATIVITY.

The room was silent as I spoke. After I spoke, the topic shifted, and I was thankful. As soon as the meeting was over, I left the room thinking two things. The first thing I thought was "What did I just do?" I wasn't sure of the reaction and fallout of what I had said, and that made me a bit nervous. The second thing I thought was "I don't care. I'm working with adults and I'm tired of adults not acting like it."

So as the day progressed I was preparing myself for negative things to be thrown at me. I guess that's normal, part of being an adult and doing things we prepare ourselves for the worst and hope for the best. I know that's true of me.

But, as the day progessed, three people walked over to me and very quietly told me they agreed with what I said. One of them even said, "You rock!" While I didn't go looking for that, and certainly didn't expect it, it felt good to know that stepping out and sharing my heart was definately a positive for a few people. I wasn't alone. God led me. It was a very good thing.

Then I had a meeting with a some parents of one of my kids. In the meeting the parent stated, "Since last year was a waste we need to get this child caught up." I know my face didn't hide my thoughts after that comment was made. I have worked my tail off for this kid, giving 110%, and they felt last year his teacher and I wasted his time. I sat there and listened as she said it, and waited. Then I did it. I said, "Why do you feel last year was a waste?" She went on to state that he wasn't reading grade level books and that we were lowering his level of course work (having him read 2.5 level books, for example) when he should be on grade level. I listened but didn't fight her. That was her perspective, and I had to respect it. Of course, as the meeting progressed, we were able to show her why we had lowered his level of academics. HE CAN'T DO THE WORK! HE'S L.D.! In the end, we determined we're going to re-test him. As she was leaving hte meeting she said, "I'm sorry if I offended you, that wasn't my intent." To which I replied, "You did offend me, but I accept your apology." I tell ya, in the past I would've just shrugged and left the meeting mumbling under my breath how offended I was about the comment. God is really teaching me how to be respectfully bold. Whew...

I left school yesterday thinking, "I still have Homegroup to get through." I went to homegroup and for the first 1.5 hours we chatted about piddly little stuff. I knew I was going to have to break the ice and really "go there" with our leaders. I'm not really sure how I became the spokesperson for the group, but I did. As it turned out, God gave me the words, and everything was fine. It was emotional, as our homegroup is no longer going to be meeting, but I am excited. I've been in such a dry place spiritually in the homegroup and I am looking forward to trying some new homegroups and seeing where God is going to put me next. It was a long day...

I have pondered all day today about boldness. I realize I just blogged about yesterday's events, not today, but I have given a lot of thought today to boldness. I work with such an usual group of people. Some people can just be blunt and not worry about other's feelings. Others say things and don't give a rip about other people's feelings. Others say things and are just plain clueless as to how it will affect those around them.

For the majority of my life I have been the quiet one who didn't say much about anything because I was afraid of how I would look to others or worried that my opinion was wrong or just plain lacked the confidence that what I had to say mattered. What I've learned this week is that there is a fine balance between boldness and rudeness and that sometimes I'm going to piss people off or have people think I'm stupid. But, sometimes (not always) it's just simply the right thing to speak up.

In the case of the Lit. Meeting and Homegroup I positively affected people because I spoke up.

I realize I still have a great deal to learn about boldness, but for now I think it's a good start...

Later...