My hardest day of the year...

You ever have one of those days...okay, weeks, where ya think, "Can we rewind to Monday so I can re-do this week?" Okay, maybe not literally, this week has been HARD, but I would do one thing differently, that's for sure.

As I shared earlier this week, this week has been our standardized testing week. And, it's been more stressful than ever due to my new principal. He's a great guy who was brought to our building to "improve" our test scores. My last principal should've retired three years before he did...anyway, so Mr. P comes over to run our building, and we have a great relationship. However, he came from one of our smaller buildings, so my building has been a tremendous change for him, as we're the biggest school in our district at the elementary level. So, he's used to things in his building, so we've all had to adapt this week. Mr. P is also a poster child for ADHD, and will admit that, so he can stress anyone out if you're around him at the wrong moment.

So, we tested Tuesday, and he gave some of us Sp. Ed. people a little chat, and he even went so far as to say "the testing police aren't going to come anyway." He knew what he was telling us wasn't on the level, but he just wants his scores high. So, the next day I started out doing what he said to do, I felt torn as I wanted to be obedient to him, but didn't want to lose my job. However, as I started with my first student, the little guy says, well, can I go back and do this on yesterday's part too? I turned to another teacher in my room and ask, and she says, "let me go ask AP lady." This saved my life, as I wasn't comfortable doing what I was asked, and we hadn't even done #1 on the test yet. Ms. Teacher friend comes in and shakes her head no. Yippee!

Then, Mr. P walks in with Ms. AP lady and says, "what are you doing?"

me: what you told me to do yesterday. (I made eye contact here)

Mr. P: Is it an IEP accomodation?

me: No.

Mr. P: Then don't have them do it.

me: k.

At this point, I am elated. I didn't want to do it, but was afraid of losing my job if I didn't do what he said.

So, life went on yesterday. However, as I started testing yesterday, it occurred to me that I hadn't scripted for Jake on day #1. So, day #2, I scripted for him. I didn't read it to him, just wrote what he told me to write. All was fine. I figured, if I couldn't go back on student #1's test and re-do it, I couldn't on Jake's either.

So today I am in a meeting and Mr. P comes to my door. He asks me to step out in the hall. (door open mind you)

Mr. P, standing with Jake's test from yesterday: I don't know isn't acceptable.

me: huh?

Mr. P: I can't have a test with I don't know as answers!

me: well, that was his answer.

Mr. P: well, from now on, that's not acceptable.

me: so what do you want me to do about it?

Mr. P: (yelling) nothing now! But from now on get the answers!

me: k

I enter room and do the meeting, fighting tears. I made it though, no tears. (Yeah!)

Then I pull Jake to do his Standardized Math Test. Just as we're on problem #2, he walks in and says,

"I need to see you in the hall"

I'm scared. He's already yelled at me once.

Mr P: You should be scipting for him!

me: I am

Mr. P: Then why is he bubbling the answers?

me: I let him bubble the bubbles, and I write the sentences.

Mr P: you bubble and you script for him! (yelling)

me: okay

mr P: and this other test?

me: I scripted yesterday but forgot the day before.

mr P: Then you need to re-do this!

me: what? I thought we couldn't go back to the day before once the session was over with?

mr P: Well, you will re-do it! Well, maybe....

At this point, tears fall. I mean, I hate being yelled at, on any level. I can't stand it! And this guy is yelling at me, in the hall, with people watching. ARGH!

me: How do I get it out of him? He reads on a second grade level! This is a 5th grade level test! How do I do it?

mr P: I don't know, just do it! This is unaceeptable!

tears....tears....tears....

Mr. P: okay, calm down...

me: I am sorry. I messed up. But, I did what I thought was right once I realized it.

mr P: okay, I believe you. (calm voice now) now just go in and do it!

me: tears....

mr P: deep breath....

me: k

I didn't do it. I couldn't. You know those days where you start crying and can't stop? I get one every 3-4 years....today was my day. Buckets. I excused myself from Jake, and a friend took care of his testing. I hit out in a friend's classroom. The beauty of sp ed at our level is you only have kids part of the day. Jake was my only kid.

After that, friends were there for me. Everyone understands mr p and his ADHD stress. I'm not mad at him. I messed up. I don't agree with yelling at me, but i understand his position.

I just got done talking to a couple friends who called to check on me. I am loved. Before I left school one gal even prayed for me. At least this day won't last forever....tomorrow is a new day.

Funny thing is, I'm talking to the school on pererverance. :-) What a lesson to learn, eh?

My couch is calling my name....

I'll keep ya posted.....