What I'm Thinking....Transparency Here....

I've got a gazillion thoughts running around in my head. Sometimes I start to blog and then I hit save and close out. This may be one of those posts. The past two weeks have been, well, historical in our lives. I've been deep in thought and have thought about writing a lot. Then I decide to simply read a book.

As I've shared before, I love to read and enter my little bubble away from the world.

However, I think it's healthy to write. So here goes...

I've been an observer of a lot of things the past two weeks.

I watch.

I think a lot, and my mind actually runs ALL THE TIME.

I have wondered how much of our society knows how to deal with negative emotions the right way. I think about my Grandparents a lot. I don't talk much about them, but I think about them a lot. I don't see that generation taking out their emotions the way we're seeing in our society today. I could be way off, and that's fine, I'm just wondering...

My Grandparents were old souls, and that's part of what I loved about them. They were deep thinkers, and when I was in college I was blessed to get to sit down with them and talk with them about their lives. Yes, it was for college reports, but gosh I look back now and am so thankful for those talks. Truly.

I can remember a conversation with my Grandpa where I was expressing a desire for something that was a WANT, not a NEED, and he made a statement like, "You can live without it."

Yep.

So true.

The older I've gotten, the more I've been deep in thought. I think that goes with age. Or at least that's what I tell myself. *grin*

I've seen so much in our world in the past two weeks that breaks my heart. So many lives ended.

Have people lost the value of life?

We get one life this side of Heaven, and people are shooting each other like it's a video game where you can re-start when you die.

That saddens me.

I consider myself a fairly intelligent gal (and humble, can't forget that!) and I realize guns aren't the problem.

We have a person/emotion/value of life, problem.

I recently watched a family slowly watch a family member die from Cancer. It was a slow, painful thing to watch, and if it was up to that Cancer patient, he would have been cured and would still be here for his family. God had other ideas.

Meanwhile, almost everyday we are now hearing of mass shootings. People who kill other people and then (most often) die in the shootout.

You don't have to tell me their logic. I get it.

Just because a person CAN do something doesn't mean they should!

I watched a video of one of the people responsible for taking lives who said that the only successful thing is to take out lives, that protesting doesn't work.

What???

That makes no sense to me.

But, the thing is, I think in all of the minds of the shooters, it all makes perfect sense.

I saw an interview on TV last Spring from a parent who was INCREDIBLY scared that her child would be one to cause a mass shooting. (It was on TV, in a town far away from here) When she asked her child why he focused on mass shootings, his response was, "...I want people to feel the pain I feel..."

Hmmmmm. Somewhere in that person's mind, it makes rational sense.

At the same time, the people he wanted to harm didn't even know him, or his pain. The logic doesn't work for me.

Now, let me put your mind at ease, that parent has the child in 24/7 care. She knew she needed help, and I applaud her for that. She has probably saved a lot of lives. I pray more parents who see red flags will do the same thing.

At the same time, I sit here and value each day like Gold. I think age does that, it makes you appreciate life because you see others (whether I know them or not) that are not given the opportunity to grow old. Therefore, each day I open my eyes, I think God for another day. However, I realize I may not end my day here on Earth. My cousin's passing last year taught me that. He woke up one morning, but didn't return home from work due to a car accident. That has changed me.

I've also pondered the killers, and CANNOT IMAGINE being responsible for taking someone else's life. That goes against everything within me. However, those people do it and make it seem easy. I don't ever want to have that mindset. That's beyond sad.

So, this past Sunday, my church had a panel. I loved that, because I think society needs to change, and it all begins with conversations. I've been deep in thought about that panel, that was made up of a range of ethnicities. I've also thought about what my pastor shared.

He stated that we all have a different narrative that we bring to the (proverbial) table. That wasn't new to me. I have thought that for years. However, he took it a step further and shared that due to our narratives, we see life differently. That is SO VERY true.

Each person on the panel got to share a small portion of their narrative, and there were two lines that have had me deep in thought this week...

One was something like, When something happens we immediately jump to color of skin, when we should really jump to love.
I LOVED THAT! It won't surprise you that our congregation applauded after that comment. The guy who shared that is so right!

We have seen glimpses of that too. In Dallas after those officers were shot, the communities came together to support the police departments. I LOVED THAT. I could name other instances, but I want to move on to my other point.

The speaker explained the Black Lives Matter Movement (B.L.M.) in a way that made me understand it a little more, and brought home the idea that we REALLY NEED TO TALK TO EACH OTHER. The media has been so divisive, when we need to simply turn off our electronics and talk. Anyway, here's how he explained it...

He said it's like on your street you have ten homes, and one is on fire, so the fire truck goes there to help for that time. It isn't that the other 9 aren't important, it's just that that one needs support right now. That's what the beginning of the BLM movement was about. The individuals with black skin felt they need extra support right now. And, I get that.

Due to the VERY SMALL PERCENTAGE of cops that have made alleged, questionable decisions, people with black skin are scared. My heart leaps for them because I don't know what that's like, and they didn't chose their skin color.

I do have a theory though, I think God gives us each what He knows we can handle. Sometimes we need His help, but we're given the body that He has for us. Yes, that's my theory, and you're welcome to disagree with it. However, I do believe that each person is given the tools to navigate life this side of Heaven.

As someone said Sunday, that free will thing is what changes things.

At the same time, Free Will is what has the power to make us great people. Hang with me here, this post gets more positive...

I'm not perfect, and have made mistakes. I've just never been hurt to the point I thought killing a person is the answer. That's my narrative.

I wish our Mental Health system was stronger, but it is what it is.

In the meantime, I will pray. Fervently.

I have friends of all ethnicities.

I have friends that are police officers.

I also know that violence doesn't solve anything.

Ever.

However, I have seen prayer work.

Over and over again I have prayed into things and changes have occurred. Now, I'm not saying I'm some super prayer person, I'm simply stating that I've seen God move at that sound of my voice.

I don't feel that I'm in a hopeless world.

I feel that He made us for a time such as this. I may not like what I'm seeing, but I will help be part of the solution.

I'll start by praying.

Life is good, even though it seems hard right now.

I'll also head to bed with my book in hand, because I also think it's healthy to escape reality for a while with a good book. *giggle*