Accountability

Today I had a long conversation after school with Collegekid. All day we acted like nothing had happened between us, but I could tell she was more on edge today and less chatty with the students, as well as with me. I was fine with that. I awoke this morning and said more than one prayer, so I knew God had it all under control.

So after school I sat down with her to go through her evaluation line by line and then talked to her about last Thursday's events. I could tell she was surprised by what I had to say. I went through my side of the events, and then let her state her side of things, just like I do in my classroom. (She went through a lot of tissues as we talked.) I was surprised when she said, "I think you're all making a bigger deal out of this than there should be." I just looked at her. Once again, I stated my side and she stated, "Well, it was upside down on your desk and I could see through it and I saw that you gave me a 5, and I never expected a 5 (5 is good here, by the way), so I wanted to see what it was in." I just looked at her. Amazing. She said it isn't a big deal, and that she wasn't unethical. I was puzzled, and honestly got more frustrated by the minute. In the end, she signed her evaluation, and left. I sat there thinking, "And she is going to be responsible for being a role model for the next generation...what a scary thing..."

I realize she's a broken vessel, and her story isn't different from my own 4th graders in my classroom. She's a wounded bird that shows the wear and tear on her emotional state just in her eyes. She is trying to make a difference, and honestly I think she's trying her best.

Honestly, I think that sometimes a person's best isn't good enough. For example, my best at singing a solo in front of the church would be embarrassing for everyone involved...(no joke!) and I think in this case, perhaps her best wouldn't be enough to do this job. I don't know.

I do know that my attempt at holding her accountable wasn't received. However, tonight as I lay my head down to sleep, I can tell God I did my best in this situation. And really, that's all that matters, isn't it?

Hum...
Life.
Is.
Good.