Thursday, November 08, 2012

#8 I Care

Perhaps you're a little stumped by the title. Go ahead, stop and look up. Yes, post number 8 is titled "I Care." There is a reason for that. You're going to need to hang with me here, as I share what I've been pondering this week.

I need to state up front with you that I haven't figured all of this out. Not by a long shot. However, it's something I debate every year. Now before you wonder if I'm referring to anyone in particular, I'm not. This is a pretty general thing to wonder about.

I've been wondering, what makes some people care if they succeed, and what makes others not care. Now you see why I spent two paragraphs setting this up for you! The answer is: there is not an answer.

However, I have pondered my own life. LOTS. *grin*

I remember my phase when I was a kid and when we moved (in the fourth grade) from Oklahoma to Texas. School was SO HARD for me suddenly, and I didn't care. I remember my new fourth grade teachers stating, "Zeros are the worst grade you can get." I still didn't do the work. I didn't care. I was being picked on, and the work was harder. I figured, "Why bother?"

What snapped me outta that? I want to say it was my parents, and in part it probably was, but I remember not even caring if Mom and Dad knew I wasn't doing the work. I was not happy, didn't like school, and went from being well-liked to being called names I had never heard before.

Obviously it was a phase, as I'm now a hard worker in a job that I enjoy going to everyday.

However, looking back, I think the shift was from fifth grade to sixth (Middle School). I think, in addition to my parents, it was my teachers. I remember looking forward to classes, and suddenly the limp wasn't a big deal anymore. I had teachers who started using phrases like, "I believe in you." Perhaps that was it.

Or perhaps it was the fact I had to start paying my parents for poor grades. Granted, I never could figure out what would happen if I didn't make the grades because I didn't have an income other than allowance. I never shared that part with my parents though. I thought they may come up with a different punishment, and I didn't want to give them any ideas. *giggle* I don't remember ever paying for poor grades, even though if I was completely honest they weren't always amazing grades. *grin* Perhaps I did pay, and I just don't remember. I'm not sure.

The point being, I can't remember when I went from TRULY not caring to TRULY caring. I was never a straight A kid, and never wanted to be. However, somewhere along the way I did begin to do my best, which was typically B-/C+ status. I was fine with that, as it was my BEST effort. That part, I believe was due to my parents. Both of my parents said, "As long as you're doing your best, that's all we can ask." *grin*

I came up out of it, and live a rather productive life now.

Don't get me wrong, that doesn't mean it's easy. To this day it takes me longer to get things done than it does others. I'm fine with that though, because I care about the work and want it done right. *grin*

I care.

When it all comes down to it, I care.

I've cared for so long, I can't imagine being an adult that doesn't care. I really can't because I'm so blessed to be where I'm at, doing what I'm doing, that I would think life would be pretty miserable otherwise.

Finally, I think I'm blessed in all of this because in those moments (and we ALL have them) when I think, "I don't want to care anymore" God gives me the right thing at just the right moment (could be scripture, song, or a person) to help me keep caring.

For that, I'm blessed.


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