Thursday, March 22, 2018

What's Your Why?

Hi!

I know, it's been WEEKS since I've blogged, and there's a reason for that. *grin* While this post will answer a few questions that may be rolling around in your head, it won't answer all of them. There's an announcement coming, but it's not time yet to reveal it. It will most likely be posted March 26. In the meantime, I did want to blog.

I feel better when I blog. I don't always publish my thoughts and feelings, as I do believe there are some things that should stay between me and God. I know that it seems that we live in a society where EVERYTHING is shared, including pictures of the dinner we eat. However, I have always been that little odd one that did her own thing. The older I get, the more I strive for that. *grin* I blog from time to time but don't hit "publish" because I now get the value of privacy and matters of the heart.

Okay, all that being said, I do feel it's time to share my most recent ponderings. I think it's something everyone can relate to on one level of another.

One day last Spring, a fellow co-worker came to me with a sticker. On it, it says, "WYY". The gal that gave it to me was someone that I didn't know very well, and we had a conversation that has stuck with me.

The meaning behind the sticker is "What's Your Why?"

My friend shared that it was a series her church had done, and she thought I might need a little encouragement, as my caseload last year was not an easy one.

So I have spent about a year pondering those three words.

What's your why?

This actually lines up with what I've come to believe in my little corner of the world. I have spent 18 years in a classroom and several weeks out at Camp Barnabas, and one of the things we talk about in both spheres is that a person's behavior explains their thoughts and feelings. Out at Camp, we don't want to stop a problem behavior because it is probably the key to figuring out what a camper needs. *grin*

This also works in a classroom, where my students often use work avoidance behaviors because they perceive the work as too hard or something is going on outside of school. I feel as if I've become a doctorate student in behavior studies. *giggle*

The longer I've gotten into my pondering of MY why behind the what, the more I've looked more at why I do what I do. This hasn't been an easy journey. It's so easy to figure out other people (sometimes) but to look at ourselves is when God started to move on my heart in a completely new way. I wish I could say it's been all fun and games, but it hasn't. It has been tearful, joyous, and everything in between.

I am not sharing everything that's happened, because some chapters of our lives (I love to read, so the chapter correlation fits deeply) lead us to times when only God can touch our soul. For that, I am thankful because He loves me unconditionally and I am confident in my life in Him. That doesn't mean it's easy, but I can honestly say it's always worth it. *grin*

Last year's caseload at work was HARD. The life of a Special Educator in my little corner of the world, has changed deeply in the past 8 years. I have spent most of my world teaching students with Learning Disabilities and teaching them how to read, write, and do math. I LOVED THAT! However, things have changed...

I now spend most of my day dealing with behaviors now.

I could get into the who's, what's, and whys of each student, but that's not what this post is about.

What is about is the fact I've challenged myself to ask, "What's MY Why?"

I'm currently on Spring Break, and have spent the past three days on paperwork.

Why?

My school day doesn't allow time to do paperwork.

Why?

I can't do paperwork because I'm caring for little people and keeping them safe.

Why?

I believe I do this because God has given me a heart for kids. ALL KIDS.

Why?

I have also come to believe that I am with the students that God has made for me to pour into their lives.

You get the picture. I could spend all day behind "why". *grin*

It was a year ago today that I was in a women's conference and one of the speakers stated, "We judge others on their actions, but just ourselves on our intent." That was a God moment for sure, because that has also been rolling around in my head for a year. Let me share why.... *grin*

I've made some mistakes recently that I haven't understood. I have NOT kicked back and thought, "forget it, I'm done." The opposite has been true. Not one mistake has been intentional. I could sit here and give you the "why" behind each decision I have made, and I can honestly say my intent in each one has been pure and good. Over and over again I will do something and think, "Yes! I made the right decision" only to find out I had a mistake somewhere in there.

Each mistake has been regarding paperwork. Ah, the joys of paperwork. Yes, that was sarcasm.

I haven't been to an evening singles event in over a year. (Which goes against reaching my dream of a marriage and my own family.) I haven't read a book in an evening for fun since last Summer.

I haven't gone to see friends because I've wanted to do what was right.

Every.
Single.
Time.

What He has shown me is that my heart is in the right place, and I can only give my best. No more or less. *grin*

This has given me peace beyond understanding, and has taken away my fear.

Yes, I just said that. I'm not afraid.

Fear has been such a deep part of my life, all my life, but now, I am walking in something I haven't walked in before now.

Peace.

It's in the chapters of our lives when it's hard that I believe God has the potential to speak the loudest. Not literally, but in that still, small voice. *grin*

I'm nowhere near done in this journey of "What's My Why?" I believe it is a lifelong journey with God.

However, "What's Your Why" has opened up POSITIVE revelations in this chapter.

From the moment I get up to the moment I lay my head on my pillow I strive to live a life that honors God. I can honestly say that I'm closer to God now than I was in the last chapter of my life. For that, I am thankful.

I'm also thankful for the handful of people who have been supporting me through my mistakes and reminding me that I am who God made me to be. Encouragement has taken on a new perspective in my world. As an adult, I have always been an encourager, but to be surrounded by others who are encouraging me I have been blessed beyond words. To those who have been an encourager to me, you know who you are and from the depth of my heart, I say THANK YOU.

Jay often climbs up in my lap at the most inconvenient times, but he knows that no matter what, I will set aside what I'm doing and love him. Yesterday I was literally elbow deep in student work to complete my data, and he climbed up in my lap. At first I was like, "Really?" Then I stopped and realized it was just as much for me as it was for him.

At the end of each day, I have a little furry kid who loves me perfectly. I know, it's not literally perfect, but it is the closest I can get this side of Heaven.

He simply wants to love me.
He won't speak badly about me to others.
He won't backstab me.
He won't follow the gossip mill.
He won't tear me down.
He will lick my tears away.
He will make me laugh.
He will let me sleep in.
He will sleep in my lap and remind me that nothing is so important that it will hinder the love between us.

So the next several days I am going to that same women's conference. I am so pumped because I believe that some time with God in a bubble will be good for me.

Why?

I believe that's good because it will encourage me and give me perspective to finish out this school year strong. I want my students to know that I'm giving 100% into their future and if I'm to be honest with you, right now I'm a pen that is almost outta ink.

I'm tired, I'm drained emotionally. and I know the next few days will be exactly what I need.

What's Your Why?

Those three little words have the power to make a difference in the chapter of life that you're in. I have shared part of my journey to encourage you. As you go throughout your day, ask yourself that.

I believe God will show you things you never even knew about yourself.

I gotta go, Jay wants my lap. *giggle* After that, I'll read a book until it's time to go to the conference.

*grin*
LIFE.
IS.
GOOD...in all chapters of our lives...


1 comment:

Ashleigh said...

Shannon, I love this!